So I packed my bags, walked around KL for the last times and I am about to take off for the states again. What a year it has been. At some points it has felt like a lifetime, at others it has been a flash, gone by too quickly. How can I eloquently express what I have experienced this year? How can I illustrate how special it was? Truly, words cannot describe my year. I have too many stories with too many photos that still do not fully capture what this year has been for me. I have grown and changed as this year progressed. I know I am going back “home” to Virginia in the USA for now, not sure where I will venture next.
Things I thought I knew or wanted have changed. My self-knowledge has changed and grown. My passions have become skewed in beautiful ways. My career goals have become more ambiguous with more paths open before me. All of these are blessings yet also terrifying. I am not sure how I want to shape my next year. This year opened my eyes to new things, new places, new people, new ideas. Many of which will stick with me for life. I established a second home where I have been welcomed to return to whenever I have the ability to return. Which, I hope to do so very soon! As I will and already do miss my Kelantan community!!
I know however, nothing will be the same after this year. This year in time, with the situation I was in, will forever stand apart as an experience I will never have again in this lifetime. It was so unique to be placed in a rural tradition community in Malaysia for a year. I had a great support system yet I was out in the community to explore and find my own place individually apart from my larger cohort. I was able to be silly in my job, to fully embrace my energy with students and thrive from it. I was not told “that is unprofessional” or “be careful how that might appear.” I was fully embraced with my quirkiness and all the love I had to share. I was able to test theories and projects with my students without many boundaries or barriers to stop my creativity from running wild. I was able to change the face of school a bit here, as they changed mine. So much was accomplished this year, that I will not even fully realize until after-the-fact.
I woke up every morning wanting to pinch myself, thinking I was dreaming. I could not believe I was on this rollercoaster and adventure of a lifetime. I was and still am so blessed to have had this opportunity. Yet, everything beautiful fades, right? Good things come to and end… Things are temporary anyways… Why did I get so attached? Why did I allow myself to fall in love so deeply with something I knew would end. I knew I was on a one-year contract. I knew the ride would end. Yet, how could I not pour myself into something so incredible? I cannot just get a half serving of ice cream. I cannot eat part of the donut or taco and leave the rest. I wanted to consume and absorb all that I could from this year. I have many mixed emotions as I am leaving which is why my thoughts are all over the place.
In this moment and time, I feel a bit numb. I established something so great here and re-created my every day life. Just as I was getting into a rhythm of things, now, I am leaving. Now do I start again? What do I take with me? What was all of this for? What have I gained? What have I lost? I am not sure. I do know that this was the most incredible ride of my life. I do know that I want to remember this. I do know that I am excited for what is in store for me next, whatever that may be. I do know I need to remind myself and others around me that I have changed and patience will be key as I readjust to many things. I know life has not stood still back home and that I need to be ready to face whatever is presented to me when I get home. I know that it will take time but that this year was so special, anything I will face will be worth the experience I had this year. Thank you all for following along on my adventures.
On my Malay Way, signing off. I have older posts to finish which I will as I finish processing this experience.
Malaysia today. USA tomorrow. An adventure to begin the day after that…
On My Malay Way 